


Behind Blue Eyes

by despairmeguca (obsess97)



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Magic Revealed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-22 22:09:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4852331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsess97/pseuds/despairmeguca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I just want you to look into my eyes… and don’t look away until I’m dead.”</p><p>Arthur finds out. It goes as well as you'd expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind Blue Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> So i wrote this about 2 years ago when I was in denial about how Merlin ended and the fact that Arthur only figured it out right before he died and the fact that he DIED and yeah I'm still in denial I hate this show 
> 
> Anyways I found it on my blog a couple of days ago so I decided to post it here because I actually like this one quite a bit.  
> [Here's the link to my original post on Tumblr](http://despairmeguca.tumblr.com/post/39344053685/behind-blue-eyes) in case any of you want to go there and give it a reblog or something :) I changed a couple of lines but it's basically the same fic.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> You can also send requests to me through my tumblr inbox if you are so inclined! Which you should, because I like writing stuff :)

Merlin thought about the intense battle. He was used to it by now, the chaos and confusion, the sound of metal clanging against metal, the pained cries of fallen soldiers.   
He was also used to using his quick thinking to save Arthur using magic, without getting caught.

And perhaps, as Gaius had warned him against, Merlin got a little too comfortable with his magic. Which would explain how he ended up alone with Arthur in a little cave, the once and future king staring at him with an unreadable expression. 

Merlin busied himself, trying to cover the entrance to the cave and ignoring the holes that Arthur’s stare was burning into his back. When there was nothing else to be done for cover, he slowly turned around. Arthur hadn’t moved, he was still just staring at him. Merlin couldn’t help but notice that the king never met his eyes. 

Eventually, Merlin couldn’t take the silence that was smothering him. “Sire…” he tried, trailing off when Arthur didn’t react. “…Arthur, please just-”

“Just what?” Arthur whispered. He didn’t make eye contact, he simply moved his arm. Merlin noticed the movement with relief, thinking that Arthur was snapping out of his shock. 

The relief quickly changed to fear when he saw that Arthur was reaching for his sword. He slowly began to unsheathe it, keeping his eyes on Merlin’s hands. “Just stay calm, stay quiet? So that I can continue to let myself be fooled by a sorcerer?” Arthur’s voice had started out as a whisper, but became increasingly harsher. By the time he spoke the word ‘sorcerer’, he was practically spitting. 

Merlin flinched, but made no move to stop his king as he drew his sword. Arthur began to approach him, lifting his sword and extending it towards the warlock.   
“How could I have been so blind… so dense? To think I prided myself on being a good king, and all the time I couldn’t even see this!”

The tip of Arthur’s sword was now pressed to Merlin’s throat. Arthur pressed it in slightly, a bit of blood forming on the blade. 

Merlin gulped, visibly afraid, but he did nothing. He made no move to save himself. 

The king of Camelot suddenly made a growling noise in the back of his throat, twisting the blade a tiny bit deeper. “Tell me, Merlin… How long have you been practicing magic?”

“I was born with it… sire.” Merlin said quietly, trying not to move. 

Arthur, for his part, looked a bit surprised. “Born with it?” His face quickly turned angry again, and he brought his sword to Merlin’s chest with newfound vigor. “That can’t possibly be, magic is a practiced evil! Now, before I run you through…” Arthur said, his voice now dangerously low, “How long have you been tricking me?”

Merlin didn’t know what to do. He physically wouldn’t be able to escape, Arthur’s sword was too close and his reflexes were too fast. Using magic to escape, whether he physically attacked Arthur or he manipulated the environment, would only serve to worsen Arthur’s opinion of him. 

Out of options, Merlin turned to begging. 

“Arthur, please, I WAS born with magic! It’s true that I did study it, but that was just to gain better control over it. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to use it to-” he broke off, not knowing whether revealing what he’d been doing would make it better or worse. 

“To what? You've probably been the one behind half the attacks on Camelot!” Arthur exclaimed, glaring hard at his sword. Merlin gulped; he could feel tension on the blade.

Arthur was going to kill him, Merlin thought in horror. This wasn’t what Kilgharrah told him, this wasn’t his destiny. Emrys wasn't supposed to die this way. 

“I- I trusted you, Merlin…” Arthur said, his voice low in disguised anguish. “I didn’t ever believe that you could do me any harm… how could I not have known this about you?”

And just like that, Merlin’s brain caught up with him and he knew what to do. 

“Arthur… I will not stop you if you choose to kill me.” Merlin said quietly. The implications he was trying to convey were there: he always knew his death would be for Arthur, but he hadn’t thought that Arthur would kill him. However, if this would set Arthur’s mind at ease, who was he to stop him? “But I just want one thing, before I die.”

Arthur didn’t respond in any way. His gaze was fixed on the sword pressed right above Merlin’s heart. Arthur swore that, if he concentrated hard enough, he could feel the source of Merlin’s life though the metal. Merlin, taking his silence as a sign to continue, made his last request. 

“I just want you to look into my eyes… and don’t look away until I’m dead.”

Arthur, already tense, became a statue. He floundered for some way out of what Merlin was asking of him. The warlock, however, knew that he wouldn’t refuse. His king was honorable; he wouldn’t deny such a harmless request. 

He spoke, trying to buy time. “Why?”

“It doesn’t matter that you’re about to kill me. You’re still my king, I’m still your servant. Didn't I say that I would be happy to be your servant until the day I die? I’m the same person now as I was then, which means that I’m still your friend, Arthur.” Merlin said strongly. And then, softly: “Even if you are no longer mine.”

Unable to control himself at Merlin’s words, Arthur finally met his gaze. And he found nothing that he was fearing, nothing he was expecting. No evil, no malicious intent, none of the bitterness that he saw so often in the eyes of the sorcerers who attacked Camelot. Just the idiot servant who was loyal to his king until death, and perhaps even after that. Just the honesty and truth which Arthur had always seen in Merlin’s eyes before... and the fear of a man who was about to lose his life. 

All that was present in those blue eyes was Merlin. 

Arthur had been frightened by the molten gold that had eclipsed the deep blue. And because of this fear, because he didn’t want to see his friend in such a way, Arthur had avoided eye contact with him. He simply was too afraid to confirm his fear that Merlin was not what he seemed. 

And Merlin had picked up on it, used it as his saving grace. Quite the opposite of what Arthur feared; he was unchanged, he was the same person he had forever been. 

Arthur’s entire mask fell from his face when their eyes met. He knew in that moment that killing Merlin wasn't an option. And he couldn’t comprehend how it was possible. Merlin saw complete confusion and disharmony in Arthur’s face. Everything he was taught regarding sorcery was fighting ferociously with everything he knew about Merlin; how could he be both Merlin and a sorcerer?

The sword was lowered from Merlin’s chest. It made a clanging noise as it hit the floor of the cave. Arthur’s hands were now clutching Merlin’s arms like a lifeline. 

“Arthur?” he whispered hesitantly. The king responded by pulling him closer. 

“You have magic, Merlin.” Arthur stated, his voice unstable. “Will you show me once more?”

Merlin smiled shakily, still slightly wary of Arthur, before stepping away and whispering a short spell. His eyes flashed golden, and Merlin felt Arthur tense against him. 

Merlin looked to the small pool in the wall of the cave, and Arthur followed his gaze. There, coming out of the water, Arthur saw tiny creatures; butterflies flying around and horses . Merlin’s magic was animating the water, Arthur saw with wonder. 

Wonder, he realized a second later, not fear or disgust. 

Right then, everything hit Arthur in his face. Merlin was truly still Merlin, he was no different for having magic. 

He smiled slowly. It would take some getting used to, and there were more questions to be asked. But he knew that he would be alright with Merlin eventually. 

“Merlin, just one last thing for now… have you used magic before? To save me as you did just now?”

“Does it matter?” Merlin questioned warily.

“It does to me, and I’m the king.” Arthur stated, smirking slightly. Merlin grinned back, realizing that he had gotten through to him. 

“Well, now that you’ve mentioned it… I’ve only saved your royal backside every time you’re in danger. Which seems to happen to you quite a bit, if I may say so, sire.” the warlock shot back.

“Thank you, Merlin.” Arthur said gratefully. “I suppose I’ve never realized how much you do for me.”

“Don’t be apologetic, Arthur, it wasn’t even your fault. Besides, it doesn’t suit you.” Merlin spoke, smiling slyly. Arthur, in response, bonked him on the head with the back of his hand. 

They would both be just fine.


End file.
